Thursday, May 4, 2017
Most soldiers, while in the battlefield, fantasize of palm-fringed beaches, sex, and alcohol when, and if, they get back home; not necessarily in that order. They watch poor quality porn on their phones to remind them of what they are missing, and how the female body looks like. That’s most soldiers, but I am not most soldiers. All I think of is murdering my fiancée.

I have not slept. Most nights I don’t. I am thinking of tomorrow when I leave Somalia. AMISOM 13 is over. I am in the last batch of my unit to leave. Others went back piecemeal since 8th Battalion the Kenya Rifles arrived.

From my sentry post I stare at the wide panoply of stars and luminous darkness that rules the night. A loud shrill of the muezzin’s call for fajr pierces the pre-dawn silence.

It is the dreaded hour. Al-Shabaab come at this time. Reports received yesterday indicated that the dastard bastards were planning to attack a KDF camp in Sector Central, none in particular. We are used to the fake reports by now. Since we took over a year ago, they were planning to attack a KDF camp.

The guy who is supposed to relieve me wakes up and joins me.

“How is it,” he asks. “Anything suspicious?”

“No,” I say. “These intelligence guys know nothing. They send us reports to keep us on toes. They just want to stay relevant.”

“Why don’t you sleep?”

Sitaki kushikwa kwa mkono al-Shabaab wakija,” I say. “Did you see the photos of those soldiers who were caught sleeping in Elade and Kolbiyo?”

“But you don’t even sleep during the day like most of us.”

“Well, I’m not most of you.”

“You’re a strange man, Patoo. I wish I had your endurance.”

We sit in silence, then he says, “What would you do when you get back to Kenya?”

I feel like God is sending an angel to warn me, but I tell him what I expect would happen: “I heard we will be granted block-leave. I will go to build that house I have wanted to build in the plot I bought before we came here.”

“Afadhali wewe uko na plot,” he says. “I’m still paying my sisters’ school fees. I don’t know when I’d be able to acquire my property.”

At the mention of the word ‘fees’ my stomach muscles go taut. I don’t want to comment on it; I told my father to educate his children.

“Do you think we should leave Somalia?” he asks when he senses my disinterest in private life talk.

“If we did not leave after the Elade attack, we will never leave Somalia,” I say. I was in training then, and when I saw the photos of the attack online, I almost ran away from the recruit training school.

I don’t tell him that I think the system is fucked-up, that nothing matters to me anymore, and that I want him to shut the hell up.

I spend the day packing. Of importance is the belted ammo of my light machine gun. I make sure I get enough, anything can happen along the way. Even after thirteen years in Somalia we still travel by road when direct flights from Mogadishu to Nairobi resumed eight years ago. Most Kenya Defence Forces bases in Somalia have airstrips, military aircrafts could airlift us, but they don’t. They just come for casualty evacuation missions only.

Belesqoqani does not have an airstrip. We have to travel all the way to Garissa. Well, all troops to and fro Somalia travel by road through Garissa, save for those who go to Kismayo and Mogadishu. It is the roads that are riskier—al-Shabaab ambushes and IEDs everywhere.

At midnight, the Officer Commanding summons us. He says we’re leaving: surprise al-Shabaab.

We arrive in Garissa at around 1500hrs. The town hasn’t changed. We go to the camp, but I leave immediately after. I want to extol the virtues of drinking and the warmth between the glorious thighs of Somali women. 

DRC Club is the home of soldiers in Garissa. With the soldiers coming from Somalia, loaded with AMISOM dollars, it is full. All the good Somali women are few now, women have flocked to Garissa from the neighbouring Kitui County—from Mwingi to Thika—for the dollar rush.

I throw money around like a drug lord, spent it like it don’t mean anything. I am generous with the ladies, and one of them tells me she doesn’t like her work. She would love to be a housewife; what I hear instead is she would like to have a house.

I get back to the camp long after midnight, at unnerving three o’clock in the morning. I can barely walk, and I am bleeding. I have received quite a beating: the bouncers were not merciful on me for beating one of the women. Njeri was her name. The bitch wanted to spike my drink. Well, for someone who has spotted al-Shabaab from hundreds of metres I couldn’t let mchele take me down.

The Guard Commander at the gate throws me into the guardroom, pours water on the floor, and locks me in. When I come to, my OC is towering above me. He is livid, and rightly so, but he can’t leave me behind.

I hastily get ready and join the others. Our journey to Nairobi continues. Today we’re painting the city red.

When we get to Embakasi, I defy the OC’s directive not to leave the camp without cleaning the weapons and returning them to the store. I can’t wait to see my fiancée.

It is not hard to dodge the Company Sergeant Major. After all, I have bribed him severally to look the other way when my conduct was unbecoming.

My house at Nyayo Estate is out of place, dusty. The bitch hasn’t come here? I sit on the bed and think about the next twelve hours. Later, I go to Tuskys and buy takeaway food—chips, chicken, and yoghurt.

I’m ready.

Love killed me: I look at the note I have written, signed Patrick. But on second thought I decide not to leave any.

Long after midnight, I unpack my rucksack. I take the binoculars that I borrowed from the Platoon Commander’s runner. I switch off the lights and walk to the window. Most apartments in the third floor of the block opposite mine are off, but the one I want are still on. I can see silhouettes moving, but the night-vision-enabled binoculars will show me everything.

I see everything, for thirty minutes. She’s always been wild in bed. As though to tell me they are just getting started, my fiancée turns around, lifting her tight ass up to him. He enters her from behind.

So far they have done it in all styles and positions. I seethe with anger: towards him for reaping where he did not sow, and her for taking me for a fool—for fuck’s sake, I refused to pay for my sisters’ school fees so I could pay hers. I can’t take it anymore, and I want to teach them the error of their ways.

I check the belted ammo I had packed while leaving Somalia: 6,000 rounds. My beloved Negev Light Machine Gun has never failed me, and I have a night vision telescopic sight. I won’t miss!

I open the window and place the gun at an angle. I look through the telescopic sight and all I want is to end my misery. I synchronize with his thrusts and fire. A burst. Blood jets from his neck, though I can’t see the rivulets with the scope.

I see them go down. They couldn’t all be dead, but I want to make sure they stay down, forever. I aim and traverse the gun in the room, on the two lumps I assume to be them on the bed. And I don’t stop. Even if I won’t get them, ricochets will. I can see the door out of the bedroom, it is still closed, now riddled with bullet holes; if any of them survives I won’t let them get to the door.

A wave of adrenaline passes through me, I ain’t letting go of the trigger. The pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop! of the gun is not stopping. It’s like it has what we call ‘gun runaway’.

I’m so engrossed that I don’t notice the police armoured personnel carriers arrive, and the police taking position in the parking lot. A moment later a hail of bullets hit my window. Soldier instinct kicks in and I turn the gun on them.
At this time the adamantine faith to control my own fate is a conceited deceit. If I ain’t mistaken, I have seen army trucks arriving after the police.

If I must die, I won’t die alone. The barrel of the gun is red hot, but there is no spare. I must fight to the end.

In the battlefield you’re told not to focus on the front and forget your rear. That’s the mistake I made. An explosion goes off at my door and, before I act, the dreaded Recce Company commandos barge in.

I turn and face them. I expect some kind of telepathic communication, to let them know that I am one of them, to share my pain with them, but their portent eyes say it all—their orders are to shoot to kill.

I want to scream ‘Allahu Akbar!’, but I don’t want to die a terrorist. I’m a soldier. Soldiers don’t surrender.

I raise the gun, but I realize I can’t kill myself with a machine gun. Instead, one of the Recce boys does it for me.

I fall into a dark, bottomless pit, but what I see is Marya’s face and us kissing in the moonlight. 

Friday, March 3, 2017

I have never stopped berating God for plonking me in the middle of humanity as the only child. You may think it is a blessing, but, when all is said and done, it’s a curse.

I look at my mother with contempt. Her face is as withered as a flower left to waste, her face clothed in wisps of white hair she has refused to conceal in those horrendous weaves women don. To my eyes she represents everything I loath.

“You have other children, you know,” I tell her.

“A male child is the beacon of the family,” she says.

“A child is a child …”

“Your father would be disappointed with you.”

“Not as much as I was with him.”

There is no memory of my father that flashes in my mind. The old geezer dropped dead, literally, on his way from work the day I was born. But he had it coming, Mother told me when I was old enough to understand. It was the alcohol. He didn’t even see me!

“How do you expect me to go and live in my daughter’s house? The ways of our people don’t …”

“Suppose I was not born.”

“But you were.”

“Mom, you’ve got to go live with one of them: Mueni, Kasyoka, or Mwende …”

“Over my dead body.”

I steal a glance at her. She is just another woman beaten down by old age. Her porcelain face has withered, her skin a frail layer, thanks to stressful migraines. To her I am a soul lost to the shadows.

“Why should I be the only one to take care of you? My sisters …”

“Your sisters have their own homes, husbands. Our culture doesn’t allow us to go live in our daughter’s husband’s houses. Did you see my mother, your grandmother, coming to live here? She did not even spent a single night here.”

Flashes of her making friends with the other ‘inmates’, some toothless and blind, go on in my mind. 

“What do you expect me to do? I have to work.”

“Why do you think God gave me you only, no any other son?”

Questioning God is not something I do over breakfast, so I say nothing.

“A son takes care of his parents in their old age, perpetuates the family. Girls are married off, they find other families, but a son takes care of his parents and buries them.”

I feel like punching the air.

“I asked ‘what do you expect me to do?’ We’re going to Somalia in three days. You don’t want to go stay with Mueni, or Kasyoka, or Mwende.”

“You should have married a long time ago …”

Not marriage again, I want to scream.

I scroll through my phone while she goes on and on.

I want to tell her that I have impregnated my Platoon Sergeant’s daughter, the one who did her KCPE last year; that my ex faked DNA tests and came to the camp with a letter from the Children’s Court and the CO didn’t listen to me when he wrote a letter to DOD and told them to be deducting my salary from the source to pay for ‘my child’s’ support.

“And have my wife living in my mother’s house?”

“All this is yours. I don’t need it. My time is almost over. She will live here …”

Marriage is the last thing on my mind. Half my salary is going to that conniving bitch who is stealing my money. Ati child support! The other half is going to the Platoon Sergeant’s daughter. I hope she will flush it, as we agreed, otherwise her father will take me to court for defilement if he doesn’t kill me in Somalia and blame it on the enemy.

I have made up my mind. I want, no, I need, to go Somalia. African Union allowance is a tidy sum, not to be sniffed at. I will be away from all the madness. I might as well die over there and not worry of that gold-digger.

“Then I will take you to Nyumba ya Wazee …”

“What?” she screams. She shuffles her unruly hair, throws her hands up, and begins to wail. “In all my life I never thought you would insult me that way.”

“How have I insulted you?” But she doesn’t hear me. She is hysterical.

“Did I take you to a children’s home when you were born? I took care of you, nursed you.”
“It’s not like that …”

“Don’t tell me what it is like. Now you don’t value me, your mother. You want to stash me in a home for the elderly, suppose I took you to a children’s home, where would you be today.”

She is almost going berserk, and for an instant I fear she will drop dead, like her husband.

I don’t know what to do, what to say. Instead of calming her, I recoil and watch her. If I feel I’m not going to get out, I remind myself. I want to live free, happy, not a normal life. If you’re not there life will move on, I affirm to myself. She will take care of herself.

When I stand to go, the first step is the hardest, but I take it. All I am thinking is I want to get myself out of the curse of being her ‘only child’. My spirit is bubbling from deep inside. It is that liberating. I will go and forget I had an elderly mother. I won’t look back, I decide. Even when, and if, she realizes that daughters too are children who can take care of their parents, I won’t come back, I tell myself. I am getting away from the curse, taking back my life. 

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Lovers of flash fiction stories, I have good news for you - I have released a new book, FLASHES OF VICE: Vol III, a collection of flash fiction stories.

Vice and humanity are like butter and bread. I expose the vice in the society through flash fiction stories, just for entertainment. 

About the Book: Flashes of Vice: Vol III is a collection of flash fiction stories on terrorism, the distant near future, conspiracies, why aliens have beef with humans, and the scars of war.

The stories begin and end without warning: like ‘Allah’s Open Letter to Terrorists’, or the story of the virgin girl who vowed never ever to have sex with terrorists in heaven. Or the serial killer military widow who kills her dead husband’s friends for revenge. Or the untold story of Jesus’s resurrection in ‘How Did the Dead Escape?’

The stories take you into the future, a flash of alien invasion into the world, and the all-time-juicy conspiracies to make the world a better place. 

Read the press release Here.

Title: Flashes of Vice: Vol III
Subtitle: A Collection of Flash Fiction Stories
Language: English
Publisher: Mystery Publishers LTD
Format: PDF
Genre: Flash Fiction
ISBN: 978-9966-100-06-1
Date of Publication: 14 February 2017

Buy on:

Publication Date: Feb 14 2017
ISBN/EAN13: 1542777402 / 9781542777407
Page Count: 160
Binding Type: US Trade Paper
Trim Size: 5.5" x 8.5"
Language: English
Color: Black and White
Related Categories: Fiction / Science Fiction / Short Stories

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File Size: 3280 KB 
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Saturday, February 11, 2017

“By the year 2080, our women were not marriageable,” I say, take a sip of the water placed for me on the podium, and continue. “There was a wave of misandry all over the world propagated by feminists, women leaders who instigated a revolution against the man, and government systems that sided with the woman no matter what. Women were the mouths that restored order and justice of the land, prosecutors, and executioners. In their court, men stood accused, guilty, never proven innocent. When one woman managed to create a synthetic sperm in a Petri dish, men were no longer needed. Lysistrata Uprising, they called it.”

I glance round the hall. Thousands of black eyes, like holes on their white or grey beautiful faces, stare at me, mouths wide open.

“At that time when men felt that they had nothing left to live for, they all joined the army. Being a soldier, no matter what rank, was noble—at least you died a patriot, hero. The war on terrorism had never been won, and the world was a battlefield. It didn’t matter how many men died in the hands of the dastard terrorists; it was much better than to live with women who hated and disrespected them. Fighting against the Lysistrata Uprising saw men dragged to court for rape and violence against women where punishment was castration or death. Once able men were returned home in body bags, and female soldiers, commanded by their female commanders, buried them. The ‘widows’ of the dead soldiers were compensated immensely by the army, the heroes who paid the ultimate price for their countries were soon forgotten. Those whom the terrorists took as prisoners of war were never found …

“That is how I met her,” I say and the whole auditorium whooaaaaa’s. “She was like a fresh of breath air. Ever since she has an unforgettable, special place in my mind.”

There are squeals, claps, and whistles. I look at the front row and spot her, thirteen months pregnant with our first child. She smiles.

What I do not tell them is that I was an intelligence officer from the Directorate of Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (DETI) of the Kenya Defence Forces (KDF). We collected intelligence on aliens masquerading as terrorists to attack the Earth. They would attack a military base, overrun it, killing hundreds of soldiers, save for a few whom they took as prisoners of war, loot the camp, and burn what they couldn’t take. I was among the POWs taken when terrorists from al-Shabaab, Islamic State in Iraq (ISIS), al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, Hamas, and Taliban attacked jointly African Union Mission in Somalia (AMISOM) headquarters in Kismayo, Somalia, on 15th January, 2081.

That night, we were ready to be slaughtered like chicken by the terrorists because we knew we would never be rescued. A group of terrorists came to the hall we were being held and removed their kaffiyehs and let us see them, a confirmation that the hour of our death had come.

Hail Mary full of grace, I prayed. Pray for us sinners and the hour of our death. Amen.
I expected a terse command, but then a sweet voice said, “We are sorry about your brothers, there’s nothing we could do. But we’re going to save you.”

My eyes widened. The terrorists transformed to tall, slender, beautiful female humanoids. They had snow-white, and others grey, skin, and night-black eyes and hair. I fixed my eyes on her, and when she looked at me, my heart melted.

“And no, you don’t have a choice,” she continued. “After all, you’re dead …”

They turned back to terrorists and hauled us to waiting Technicals and rode into the night. We were taken past Jilib, al-Shabaab stronghold that AMISOM troops had never been able to capture, into a forest where a saucer-like object glowed in the night. Whatever happened next I cannot remember, it’s like the memory has been erased from my mind.
“Professor Linzell,” a voice says from the rear, her mellifluous voice amplified by the speakers. “Are all human males like you?”

The onscreen keyboard on the podium blinks green with her name. “No, Tembi. They are not like me, but if you mean to say are they all build like me, yes, they are.”

“No, Professor. I mean, look at you, all of you who live with us. You’ve love, imagination, empathy, what is considered true intelligence in the intergalactic laws …”

“Oh, yes, they are. Only that our women didn’t see it that way. They believed for years we had been subjugating them. They believed that we were their number one enemy, and they fought back …”

When my lecture is over, Lashaya comes to the podium and hugs me.  Her stomach is still flat, but that’s how women in Heubos carry pregnancy. The foetus will appear as a clot for most of the pregnancy, barely recognizable, until the final days when the foetus is connected to the mother via a strand of superconductive nanocells through which she transfers energy and any knowledge she needs to into the infant’s brain, and then releases an electric surge to start its heart beating. The baby is born seven to fourteen days later.

No matter how I try, I don’t recall how we left Earth. I remember waking up in a heavily cushioned bunk in the spaceship. She was there, looking at me as though I was a rare artefact, and the rest is history.

The heubonites, inhabitants of planet Heubos of the galaxy Taeria, are synthetic female humanoids—cellular-level cyborgs, artificial beings that carry out most of the essential life processes and can transform to any form. According to their historical records, their males were all killed when their spaceships passed through a cloud of dust in the Earth’s atmosphere. The males had been tasked by the Intergalactic High Council to invade Earth because humans were destroying the planet through pumping toxins in the atmosphere, waging wars and killing each other, and wanted to colonize the other planets.

Since all their males were wiped out, by humans, the heubobites decided to take human males to mate with lest they became instinct. The Intergalactic High Council didn’t approve for fear that the humans would corrupt their galaxy, but the heubonites defied the IHC. They have infiltrated world armies and terrorist groups. Wars are not ending any time soon on Earth, and in the end they will destroy the Earth.

Their motto is: Open hearts, open doors. These women are well-versed in the art of love, and they know that they need their males. They believe that males are providers and protectors, and females are nurturers.

From the Earth year 1992, soldiers missing in action in Iran, Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Somalia, Libya, and other war-torn countries were taken by the heubonites. They have mated with them and produced hybrid humanoids, heumans, and the first generation is coming of age in three seasons’ time, on their 200th birthdays. We humans have been engineered, we can now live up to 1,500 years, and given heubonite names. Huebonites live up to 3,800 years, but heumans will be able to live up to 6,000 years.

I couldn’t be any happier with life, at peace. I love Lashaya to all galaxies and back to Taeria. It’s amazing having someone who doesn’t need anything from you, they just love you, such a shame Earth women can’t know that unknown, beyond the stars in many galaxies away, in other planets true love lives.